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Avia S-199 in Israeli Air Force Service

Oh, yeah – screenwriting

I haven’t posted much about screenwriting lately.

Nearmiss and I gathered in critiques about “Time and Space” and learned little we didn’t already know in our hearts. Our secondary characters need more motivation and chiseling. We decided to add more pathos to the ending, as well. I always take too much caution to avoid making stories too maudlin, but I think the punched up/in ending will make the point stronger.

On the other hand, we also received this critique (edited for brevity):

Time and Space was an excellent script, very well written and reminiscent of Rod Sterling and the old Twilight Zone episodes where ordinary people are placed in extraordinary situations that lead to an ironic twist at the end….

As all the characters were introduced one by one the consistancy of your clear, sharp descriptions drew us in even more and even though each one of the characters in this script was different right down to their core component, they were also alike and bonded with each other so well to fit the thematic substance of the script…. This not only allows the audience to also be drawn in to the unfolding events but it allows the audience to bond with and care for eachone of these highly unique people, individually and as a group….

You…so well (fit) the study of contrasts/dynamics/psychology between the internal components of the character and the external circumstances that almost define him perfectly. What follows are also perfectly executed dynamics/psychology of each one of the characters as Sheldon attempts to contact them…. It all ties in so well with the thematic value of the piece. I loved the subtle social undertones and exploration of our place in the world, in our communities, in our hearts, our minds and the uncertainty of it all. Individually and collectively as human beings. I loved the exploration of how we sometimes lock ourselves in a bottle to erase suffering/reality. Your characters and their distinctions/disassociation set up the thematic message of labeling people as opposite poles so well and the consequences that come from that which are that to label people in such a way as pure and distinct is the quickest way to land on paths of destructon, individually and communually as well as turning a blind eye to reality, becoming apathetic, selfish. Envisioning a world in which wholeness does not mean escape but it means knowing each other accepting each other in our capacities as individuals and as societies coming together in humility and seeing one another for all of who we are, can we begin to know peace. Inner and otherwise. The ending of your script nails the theme where true understanding means being able to see ourselves and one another in our human complexity where good can only win over evil/negativity with the creative force of love that encourages cooperation rather than conflict and that harnessing negativity can be a powerful creative force.

Dang! We’re genuises!

Nearmiss is taking the first pass on the next draft. I’ll do the second. She says she trusts me. and doesn’t need to see my changes. How quickly can you cast one-legged thug flamingoes these days? Is it still as easy as it was in the ’70s?

Robert, the director I met at the shmoozefest, left me a message to say that he has no time to read the PDF, but he would like me to bring him a print-out. I’ll do that.

In other Hollywood-related news, I have yet to call Bill, the man who wanted to hire me for research, or hear from him. I really ought to call him.

Warren has a nifty image of scribosphere blogs at his Screenwriting Life blog. Of course, I mention this because 101 is one of the windows – front and center, in fact. This post may be a direct result of that. I sure as heck haven’t done any feature-writing lately. I haven’t written a word since Alex took me under his wing. Part of that is also the start of school, but I really should be bleeding more words onto my hard drive.

Bonus 101 Squadron facts:

Category A – Sad: Slick Goodlin passed away in late October.

Category B – Cool: Brian Chersky is building a replica P-51 Mustang and is painting it in 101 Squadron colours. I’m helping him out with that. It’s a 3/4 scale Titan T-51. He sent me a photo, but I’m waiting for permission to post it.

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