Webs and the tall lady put me in the backyard twice this morning because the weather is mild and I like to frolic in the snow.
The tall lady left and Webs did too soon after, I think to go grocery shopping. I sort of saw them embrace but definitely heard her wish him a happy birthday so I decided to take advantage of my time alone to get some birthday presents ready for him.
I don’t remember the exact sequence of my efforts, but here’s what I did:
- I dug several holes in the new flannel sheet on Webs’s bed.
- I tore off a toenail while doing that and left it on the bed.
- I peed copiously in the kids’ bathroom.
- I left a solid poop in the adults’ bedroom.
- Unimpressed with the banality of the previous gift, I also left some diarrhea on their carpet.
All that in 90 minutes. Webs is so proud of me! Happy birthday, Webs!
Bonus pet news:
My friend Momo the guinea pig lost his faculties on New Year’s Eve, went to the vet, and never came home. The boy was sad but seems to be coping.