A word from the dog

Crash here. Webs is busy cleaning up so I'm writing this for him on his iPod.

Webs and the tall lady put me in the backyard twice this morning because the weather is mild and I like to frolic in the snow.

The tall lady left and Webs did too soon after, I think to go grocery shopping. I sort of saw them embrace but definitely heard her wish him a happy birthday so I decided to take advantage of my time alone to get some birthday presents ready for him.

I don't remember the exact sequence of my efforts, but here's what I did:

- I dug several holes in the new flannel sheet on Webs's bed.

- I tore off a toenail while doing that and left it on the bed.

- I peed copiously in the kids' bathroom.

- I left a solid poop in the adults' bedroom.

- Unimpressed with the banality of the previous gift, I also left some diarrhea on their carpet.

All that in 90 minutes. Webs is so proud of me! Happy birthday, Webs!

Bonus pet news:

My friend Momo the guinea pig lost his faculties on New Year's Eve, went to the vet, and never came home. The boy was sad but seems to be coping.